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Ladies, marry a Cub Fan...If he can stick with those boobs he can stick with yours...:) The contest is this, read my essay below...read my books and watch my movies and enjoy my personal marriage proposal to you...and then write an essay...how much you like what I say...How much you hate what I say...whatever....Best article submitted with a picture both wins me and loses--by winning me...that's your problem...enter at your own risk...I'm a slob and grouchy before coffee... and those are my good traits...If you want to enter and you don't want to marry me...and say win me for your gay Uncle Roxanne...You have to make a donation.
Rules include: No cheating--which means old girlfriends are highly inaccurate gages because--like sheep...they lie...so asking them anything will immediately disqualify you...and background checks is also grounds for elimination...Most of those arrests happened when I still worked for the mob...I was upwardly mobile...then when they asked me to go whack myself...I decided to do exactly that...But that's sort of personal. Judging Guidelines...Looks I'm judging as 60% and essay as 40% ...but then that says something about me doesn't it? I'm a guy and therefore my level of idiocy is purely in the eye of the beholdress. I know no one will actually enter this contest but if you are reading this--that was the point...to get the snowball rolling down the hill...If you help promote my work someone may marry a rich artist instead of a poor one... The following video is testimony of what a really good actor I am...In this sappy sentimental display I play a man who sincerely is a romantic...Hah.
Okay, this is part publicity stunt and part real. Yes, I'm single and want to meet someone but I am using this to drive traffic to my movies, books, music and website. My content ranges from rated G to R, nothing too adult. Although I do believe in God and lean toward Christianity I also take the position that you can believe 100% but you can't know 100%.
None of my other friends eat dinner together and watch Lassie movies...Are we dysfunctional? Oh God...we're not Christian are we? However, faith to me is deeply personal and my belief is that God knows what is in your heart and he (she or it) is only interested in a relationship with you. As in a one on one-- monogamous...give or take a few billion....relationship. Regarding God...what other people think doesn't matter. I choose to believe God wants to know if you are sincere in your desire to have him (she or it) in your life that you do so--not through the bible or church-- but through prayer.
From now on Eve, the only snake you listen to is hiding behind my fig leaf...Got it?!? Note to Christians: I know what you are thinking...God is a man and that Jesus his son is God. I know. I pray to Jesus because it seems to work...but...The Godly thing to do...The Christ-like thing to do is...To let people come to their own conclusions...because God is guiding their lives and not you....Missionary work isn't Godly if you are bribing the hungry with a sandwich...Give the sandwich because you want to feed the starving...don't hide God under the bread... Note to Catholics: Catholicism could also be known as Controlothism... The Vatican is the wealthiest country in the world which speaks volumes. My family on the Yore side donated the land to St. Pats in Lake Forest Illinois...A billion dollar property and yet I can barely pay my rent...How is that fair? Stupid overly generous ancestors...
I was thinking more of an off-white but that's nice too... And I'm not talking about you the reader...I'm talking about my own life here...I believe all control freaks should relegate belief to their own lives and not impose it. I'm a control freak who knows he can't control anything and therefore I'm smart enough to not lose control by trying to achieve the impossible... But back to point... My belief in God or Jesus stems from prayers being answered. There is nothing in the Church or the Bible that needs to bring me any closer to belief in a higher power than that. I have witnessed miracles. I don't need to convince anyone of anything but I do recommend prayer because it is worth a try. As it has been stated-- there are no Atheists in a foxhole. When trouble finds you...you find God.
Forget about Mr. free thinking Unicorn and get on the damn boat... Decency should be obvious to most and if you need to be told what is right something went wrong a long time ago. The problem with our world is too many ruthless people without consciences are in positions of power. This is an issue I tackle in my work but my approach isn't so much about who did what and when but concepts that will allow people as individuals to wise up and not be so easily preyed upon by the wolves. If you aren't an easy target they lose their power. One last note on Christianity-- or any religion, philosophy or governing system that attempts to force feed people their dogmatic ideology...You are wrong to force your ideas on other people. It is okay to lead the horse to water but we all want to be able to decide when and if we drink. One thing that comes to mind is my use of the Lord's name in vain. Yes I'm sure it sounds ugly and it is an old bad habit...but my sins are between God and I and it's something I ask forgiveness for in my own prayers. Your judgment does nothing to persuade me to react more Godly to stress. Remember to judge lest ye be judged. This I also find true of other religions and races that try and tell me that something is racist or anti-Semitic or sexist. You want to create laws and prison terms for people whose only crime is one of thought. That is the real crime. Your need to impose your fragile feelings or your fear of losing control onto the masses in the form of thought control. Gee that's not tyranny.
You need to get a job and stick with it...Hell, I started out as a lab rat... Every single one of us needs to have the right to be angry, to be stupid, to be fearful, to be right, to be wrong, misinformed and even sarcastic...to learn and come to conclusions in our own time. Physical violence is where lines need to be drawn and not on thinking processes. Words can incite violence but they are also a pressure valve to release steam. If you tell me I have to like you--chances are I'm not going to like you. Most of us are stubborn that way. Like the horse we want to drink when we are ready to drink. What is better? An apology that is enforced or one that comes from the heart when it is ready? We as people have to be aware that these sort of laws are tactics used to control and herd populations into being docile subservient cows and not thinking feeling human beings. I have a Christian friend who is Gay. He thinks the title of my book God Is An Indian Giver is blasphemy. Okay, without making a cheap joke about his choice of lifestyle and how it's supposedly frowned upon in the bible I would like to use this as an example of how silly our hypocrisies are. What I mean by that title is the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. And I have even caught a little flack from native Americans over it. "How you say such a thing?" "How?" How quickly I digress. Are we really that fragile? Do we really want to brow beat every phrase and thought we as human beings have. Are we really going to dictate context for everything? It's okay to make jokes in a comedy club but if you do it at the office you will do prison time. Come on people, quit this politically correct squeamish reactionary hysterical bullshit. The only reason we have time to dwell on our feelings and legislate thought crimes is because we have been living a safe fat life for half a century or so. If we were nomads scrounging in the desert for food-- chances are we wouldn't care if someone pointed at the skinny people eating bugs and laughed at us, we would be happy to have found some bugs to eat.
I think the condom slipped off... Good lord people...sticks and stones may break your bones but words drove me to open fire in the school cafeteria. Quit telling kids it's a big deal because it's not. Sure bullies should be identified and punished but it's not that the strong pick on the weak it's that the weak are encouraged to be weak...and bullies are encouraged to be bullies... My books are part fiction and part autobiographical. As a young man born in the 60's I went through the hippy era from about three feet tall taking in the peace and love...and Viet Nam War...and in the 70's and 80's experiencing sex, drugs and rock and roll as if nothing else mattered...In my 30's the idea of sex without love became the main point and made sex pointless. Since then I've come to like answering only to myself... I call myself an idiot almost as often... but it's a little more constructive... I have finished 100 movies, 100 songs and 6 books because I didn't have to go to the mall. Or argue over some damn thing.
Honey now that the kids are out of the house I think we should seriously consider a murder suicide pact... But getting back to my point...in my opinion...our culture...and much of its dysfunction...isn't so much a result of drugs and alcohol but in the highly stressful demands put upon individuals to rise to certain monetary obligations. Addictions are symptoms not cause. Materialism, status, this constant treadmill to barely break even, getting poorer while the rich get richer. That causes the need to numb ourselves of a very frightening reality. Fear herds us into the safe zone where they mesmerize us with shiny images and sounds. Oooh look at that...Bruce Willis on an Asteroid.... I somehow saw through this grueling illusion even as a child and have never taken the idea of money as seriously as those all around me have. Friends, family and bureaucratic institutions use every intimidation tactic at their disposal to make you get on the relentless treadmill with them. If I have to eat the shit sandwich you have to eat the shit sandwich...is essentially both motto and law. Exactly the type of law that needs to be shoved up your nearest legislators assembly.
I just got back from Earth what a bunch of morons... I don't want to veer off course but there is plenty of wealth and resources to go around which I will prove in other links ...but for now... I like many artists find our true calling comes from creating art and not money. Of course we would love for our work to be purchased as to make life easier but our art is our life. It is something we are driven to do. Money is only paper and its value depends on the powers that herd the masses into wars and depressions...but a book or a movie or a song is there waiting to inspire in moments of cease fire and hopefully offer ideas on how to keep the peace. It's value can never fully be measured but if something I create moves someone to make a change for the better than it's more lasting than if I handed them a thousand dollars. The money furnace would simply demand more paper be shoved into it to keep it burning. The idea can burn forever. Of course we can't all be artists (at least not in this present economic system) ...but that is where God is so brilliant. His grand scheme is intricate and balanced by those who love other skills, services and callings. Money is supposed to be a way of trading products and services. Not a means to enslave fellow man.
And yes I need money too...to pay off debts and live freer-- and ironically by not making a lot of money in my life-- I don't owe as much money and instead...by creating product-- I actually sit in a position where I have product to offer up in exchange for a little respect and a few dollars at the latter part of my life when it matters. Not so dumb and lazy now eh? This is what I would like to see happen... If you were to go to a comedy made in Hollywood and spend about ten dollars, you would probably laugh out loud a dozen times--if you are lucky. I am asking that in your spare time you watch my videos or read my books or cartoons and kind of keep track of how often you laugh. Try and place a dollar amount on the entertainment value I give you. Of course it is here for free but if you would kindly make a donation...only after you feel like you have actually been given something by me, it will be greatly appreciated. I can't promise to spend it wisely but... I will promise of course...like the good people at Doritos, I will "make more." There is one other thing to consider which to me is vitally important to freedom of speech, expression and liberty in general...hell, for people to evolve into a really decent species...if at all possible...which especially pertains to capitalism and monopolies. If Hollywood or New York Publishers get to dictate what is to be read, seen or heard, not only do they maintain a monopoly over art but they subtly brainwash people to be drooling sycophantic groupies who lose discernment over time. If that describes you...take a shower immediately and vow to never worship another mediocre talent again at the expense of your own pride. Just because it's on TV or the radio doesn't make it good. Sure there's good talent out there but even you know artists in your own life who deserve more opportunity than they are getting. And at the risk of sounding bitter, paranoid or my mouth stuffed with sour grapes... I was in Hollywood, I got taken out to lunch by producers at studios. Had some mild success that was on the edge of big success. And somewhere along the line they rejected my call for more honesty in their deal making which I think eventually led to blacklisting. Of course I was young and dumb and probably should have shut the hell up and taken the money but sometimes a dash of idealism here and there helps water a few plants.
And don't come back unless you are willing to take shit and be paid shit... Again money never motivated me and I was naive to try and play out the fantasy about my first movie and the way I wanted it to get made. I'm sure many people have made that mistake when negotiating with the big guys. I don't recommend selling out but I do urge you to know that these people have a simple contract...They give you some money and you go away...Otherwise they are probably just going to go ahead and make a very similar movie anyway... But my Doctor told me to keep my blood pressure down so I won't list the many stories and such that were lifted from me over time but I have proof of several of them. It would be nice if I could get some money for a few of these but at this point I am merely using it as part of the storyline of my book series. My character is a sort of film noir character...drinking...womanizing...mouthing off and always just out of reach of his dreams...stalked by demons inside and out. Failure to me is more interesting than success. In other words I tried really hard not to sell my soul and they finally said...fine...keep it. For that reason alone help me to beat the bastards by helping to make my own TV channel thrive.
Maybe you should call that Hollywood producer and apologize? If the mantra is always we are better and more beautiful than you, listen to us and give us your money, over time you are barely an individual anymore. You are but a consumer programmed to react to their impulses and not your own. That is why you have to help people, independent artists such as myself and other small businesses to take some of that power away from the pyramid structure. Redistribute wealth and opportunity by throwing a dollar into the hat of the unsigned performer or perhaps paying the small farmer a little more for his produce. Not only is it good for us the little people but it's good for humanity, even the crackheaded ruling elite who like any junky just doesn't realize a world wide intervention is in their best interest. Dr. Phil sit down with the banking families and have them go into money rehab before they hurt themselves or say...us... The dollar being controlled by a very few greedy monolithic mega corporations is a terrible idea and will lead to a very dark tyranny. So whether it is me or someone else-- please try and help us push the boundaries of thought and freedom and prevent the mechanisms of control, the walls of limitations from collapsing in on us.
I could have been as Oscar contender... Time is running out and we the people, the huddled masses need to start supporting one another because the elite see us merely as consumers of their product and little more than that. Therefore the individualist rebellion is a revolution that is much more important than you might ever have imagined. And genetics and robotics have progressed to the point that they don't even need us anymore. Wake up to that. It isn't just money that needs reallocation but the balance of power. The idea of what is right and good seems to be something the ruthless controllers don't seem too interested in. That s why we have to support the little guys...each other. Imagine for a second there are two circuses in town. One costs twenty dollars to get in and has an amazing trapeze act. The other is free and has some pretty funny clowns who sure could use the money when they pass the hat. Is it possible that you might actually have as much fun supporting those who need the support more than those who are offering more expensive entertainment however impressive it may be. Only more impressive because it has all the money in the world. But then I've seen better shows with just a box on stage... I should know I played the box...
For Peanuts a day you can sponsor a herdless elephant...and feed a skinny clown... The internet is full of artists like myself who could use people digging a little deeper into their entertainment budget to support us, especially if you find yourself spending hours on the net enjoying nobodies like me... I'm going to put my music up for free and I'm hoping people will enjoy it and record their own versions either adding to my arrangement or doing their own. Hopefully by collaborating and appreciating each other's creative energy we can make this world a better place. A creative revolution that replaces the need to destroy with the need to create. That is my pitch. All my work is free to be enjoyed or dismissed and that is the beauty of the internet. My books are for sale and the series follows a standup comedian through some exciting and surrealistic adventures that comment on some of the pitfalls we as human beings succumb to such as addictions, jealousies, heartbreaks and the consequences of selfish decisions. I'm sure he'll remind you of old boyfriends you'd still love to get pissed at all over... The character like me is highly flawed, but time, learning, and a good heart-- leads toward happy endings...I hope you will either read the books for free, download them for a couple dollars or purchase the paperback to be shipped to you. In any case-- drop me a line or write a comment on my blog. I am convinced you will be very entertained. And if you aren't...maybe I'll mow your yard or something... Oooh...mow your yard...now that's a sexy euphemism... Watch part 1 of Make Movie In progress.
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